Helping Your Teen Control Their Chimp

One moment your teen is calm, reasonable, and loving, and the next, they’re reacting in ways that leave you confused, frustrated, or worried.

Why do they lash out?

Why are their moods so unpredictable?

Why do they sometimes make choices that seem irrational or impulsive?

The answers may lie in understanding how the brain works - and particularly how one part of the brain, the chimp, influences behaviour. In this blog, we’ll explore The Chimp Paradox, a powerful model developed by Dr. Steve Peters, to help explain the emotional struggles of teens. By understanding the roles of the “chimp,” “human,” and “computer” parts of the brain, we can better support our teens in managing their emotions, making healthier decisions, and developing the resilience they need for life.

What Is the Chimp Paradox?

The Chimp Paradox is a concept introduced by Dr. Steve Peters, a renowned psychiatrist. The model provides an easy-to-understand explanation of how the brain processes thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Dr. Peters breaks the brain into three key areas:

1. The Chimp – The emotional, instinctive part of the brain.

2. The Human – The logical, rational part of the brain.

3. The Computer – The part of the brain that stores habits, memories, and automatic responses.

Understanding these three parts is key to helping both you and your teenager make sense of emotional reactions and impulsive behaviors. It’s not about blaming anyone—it's about recognizing how the brain works and learning to manage it better.

The Chimp, Human, and Computer: How the Brain Works

Let’s break down the three parts of the brain and their roles:

1. The Chimp Brain (The Emotional Brain)

• The chimp brain is located in the limbic system, which is responsible for emotional responses, survival instincts, and immediate reactions.

• It is irrational, reactive, and often driven by feelings like fear, anger, excitement, and frustration.

• The chimp’s role is to protect and ensure survival, but it can sometimes overreact to situations, especially in the modern world.

The chimp is like an overprotective guardian—it always acts first, even when it’s not necessary. For example, if someone criticizes your teen or makes a negative comment, the chimp might immediately lash out, triggering anger, anxiety, or defensiveness.

2. The Human Brain (The Rational Brain)

• The human brain is located in the prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for rational thinking, problem-solving, and decision-making.

• It is logical, calm, and able to analyse situations.

• The human brain allows us to reflect, consider long-term consequences, and respond rather than react.

When a teenager faces a challenging situation, the human brain can think through their options, evaluate how to act, and choose a rational response. For example, instead of arguing back during a disagreement, the human brain might suggest staying calm and communicating constructively.

3. The Computer (The Habitual Brain)

• The computer stores information, habits, beliefs, and learned responses.

• It acts as a reference point for the chimp and human, helping to guide behaviour automatically.

• The computer can either reinforce unhelpful habits or support positive behaviours, depending on the “programming.”

If your teen has a history of reacting emotionally to criticism (because their chimp often dominates), the computer reinforces this reaction as a habit. However, if they’ve learned coping strategies to stay calm, the computer will help them respond more positively next time.

How the Chimp Influences Teen Behavior

Teenagers’ brains are still developing, particularly the prefrontal cortex (the human brain). This means their chimp brain - the emotional, instinctive part - often has the upper hand. Here’s how the chimp influences common teen behaviours:

1. Impulsivity

The chimp brain reacts quickly and without thinking, leading to impulsive decisions. For example:

• Acting out in anger during an argument.

• Making risky choices, such as skipping school or experimenting with harmful behaviours.

• Reacting emotionally to feedback instead of processing it rationally.

2. Emotional Outbursts

Teens often feel intense emotions because their chimp brain perceives threats where there might not be any. A small disagreement can feel like a huge injustice, leading to shouting, crying, or shutting down.

3. Anxiety and Fear

The chimp brain is wired for survival, which means it constantly scans for danger. For teens, this can translate into:

• Worrying excessively about school, friends, or social acceptance.

• Avoiding situations that trigger fear, such as exams, sports competitions, or presentations.

4. Mood Swings

Because the chimp brain is emotionally driven, teens can experience sudden mood swings. Hormonal changes during adolescence also amplify these shifts, making emotions feel overwhelming.

How to Help Teens Manage Their Inner Chimp

The good news is that teens (and parents!) can learn to recognise and manage their chimp brain. While the chimp will always be a part of their brain, understanding how to “tame” it can lead to better emotional regulation, healthier habits, and improved relationships.

Here are key strategies to help teens control their chimp:

1. Help Them Recognize Their Chimp

The first step is to help teens identify when their chimp is taking over. Encourage them to reflect on their emotions:

• “How did I feel in that moment?”

• “What was my first reaction?”

• “Was my response logical or emotional?”

When teens learn to pause and recognize the chimp, they create space for their human brain to step in and take control.

Example: If your teen snaps at a sibling during an argument, help them recognise their chimp’s emotional reaction. Discuss how they might respond differently next time.

2. Teach Breathing and Calming Techniques

Calming the body helps calm the chimp. Teach your teen simple strategies to reduce emotional reactions, such as:

• Deep breathing exercises (e.g., inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts).

• Taking a short walk or stepping away from the situation.

• Grounding techniques like focusing on their senses (e.g., noticing 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch, etc.).

These techniques give the human brain time to catch up and respond rationally.

3. Build Positive Habits Through “Computer Programming”

The computer brain reinforces habits, so it’s essential to “program” it with positive strategies. Help your teen create healthy habits that support emotional regulation:

• Practicing gratitude daily.

• Journaling thoughts and emotions to process them better.

• Developing routines for sleep, exercise, and nutrition, which all help calm the brain.

Over time, these habits become automatic, reducing the chimp’s power during stressful moments.

4. Encourage Open Communication

Teens often bottle up emotions, which can make the chimp brain even more reactive. Create a safe space where they feel heard and supported:

• Ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling about that?” or “What’s been on your mind lately?”

• Validate their emotions without judgment. Phrases like, “I can see why that upset you” show empathy and understanding.

• Offer guidance, but allow them to process their emotions without trying to “fix” everything immediately.

5. Model Chimp Management Yourself

Teens learn by watching how you handle your own emotions. If you react impulsively or let your chimp take over during disagreements, they’re likely to do the same.

• Model calm responses during stressful moments.

• Share your own strategies for recognising and taming your chimp (e.g., “I felt really frustrated earlier, so I took a few deep breaths before responding”).

• Show them that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them.

Why Managing the Chimp Builds Resilience

When teens learn to manage their chimp, they develop essential life skills:

• Emotional Regulation – The ability to recognise and respond to emotions calmly.

• Resilience – The capacity to bounce back from challenges and setbacks.

• Decision-Making – The skill to make choices based on logic rather than impulse.

By supporting your teen in understanding their brain, you empower them to take control of their emotions, build confidence, and navigate life’s challenges with a sense of calm and purpose.

Conclusion

Understanding The Chimp Paradox can transform how you relate to your teen and how they manage their own emotions. By helping them recognise the roles of the chimp, human, and computer in their brain, you can support them in developing the tools to respond rather than react.

At Resilient Futures Coach, we’re passionate about helping teens build confidence, resilience, and emotional intelligence through coaching. If you’d like more guidance on helping your teen tame their “inner chimp,” get in touch—we’d love to help your teen thrive!